So many people write to me and tell me that being cheated on stole something very precious away from them. They worry that they will never feel "normal" or "right" again because their ability to trust and go into a relationship with their whole heart has been seriously compromised. They feel that something is wrong with them, that they're not enough, and that they're now sentenced to a life where suspicion, doubt, and fear will reign. I understand these feelings as I went through every one of them myself after I found out my husband cheated. But, I'm also just fine (and much stronger) today. Although it may not feel like it right now, it's not only possible to recover from an affair but to emerge stronger, wiser, and actually at peace. I'll explain what I mean by this in the following article.
Your Recovery Starts With Asking For Or Giving Yourself What You Need To Heal: You can really divide folks who were cheated on into two categories - those who ultimately decide that they want to save their marriage or their relationship - and those who don't.
For those who want to save their relationship, you will need many things from your partner or spouse to heal. You'll need for them to be remorseful and responsible. You will need for them to be willing to work with you to determine what went wrong and to improve and safeguard the marriage so that no one is worrying that this will happen again. You will need for them to be accountable so that they're not defensive when you ask where they've been and who they were with. They have nothing to hide and these requests don't offend them. You will need for them to give you reassurance and affection when you need it and space and solitude when you need that. You will both need to focus on improving all aspects of your marriage so that you can restore the trust, affection, and commitment.
For those of you who don't want to save your relationship, you'll have to provide much of what I listed above for yourself. However, by no means is this impossible just because you're flying solo. It's so important to be kind to yourself, but to also be honest about any places where you may have left the relationship vulnerable and what you can learn and take away from this to improve your situation down the road.
Knowing That The cheating Isn't Your Fault And Not About You: Whether you ultimately decide to stay in the relationship or not, you'll have to work hard not to take this personally and allow it to ruin your self esteem. You must understand that this cheating likely has less to do with you than you think.
People cheat because of how they feel about themselves, not about you - and sometimes, not even about the other person. They're trying to fix what is broken within themselves, in the desperate hopes to fix their self esteem, reassure themselves that they're still desirable, and to try to ignite some sort of excitement in their life as a response to aging. You can not prevent what is going on inside them. And, you weren't present when they made the decision to cheat. They own this - not you. Do not take this onto your own shoulders because it wasn't your fault.
Yes, you are the innocent victim in this and it certainly hurts, but please don't allow it to make you doubt yourself or sabotage future relationships or your ability to trust.
Knowing That You Can Handle Whatever Comes: I often find that people get stuck and unable to recover because of the trust issue. They are just so afraid to be vulnerable again because this hurts so much that they don't think that they could survive a repeat. I understand this. But, this is a catch 22. Because if you aren't able to go into a relationship with trust and an open heart, then you're doomed before you even start. You may as well not even bother, frankly. You're only giving a little piece of you, so you're only going to get a tiny bit of what the relationship could be in return. You deserve better than this.
Often at the core of trusting your partner is trusting yourself. So long as you have both done the work necessary to heal, so long as you've worked through your problems and you partner has shown themselves to now be remorseful and trustworthy, you have to make a conscious decision that you are strong enough to handle whatever comes your way. You have to know that you are enough and that they are lucky to have you. If they don't see this or forget it, then that's going to be their problem, not yours.
Restoring Your Self Esteem: A huge part of recovering from being cheating on is restoring your self esteem. As I said, you'll start to wonder how you could've been so stupid and why you apparently weren't pretty or interesting enough to hold your partner's interest. I hope that this article has shown you that the cheating is due to their shortcomings rather than yours.
With that said though, you will need to take responsibility for healing your self esteem. Beyond understanding that this wasn't your fault, there are other things that you can do to heal. Being cheated upon brings out all of our insecurities that have always bothered us (and were always lurking under the surface) to the forefront. Use this as an opportunity to tackle these things once and for all.
As an example, deep in the back of my mind, it always worried me that I had put my career on hold to care for my children. I never really felt like a totally equal partner. The affair was the wake up call I needed to go back to school. I also addressed insecurities that I had about my appearance. I lost some weight and fixed my teeth. These things made me feel proactive and went a long way toward making me realize that I was in fact good enough and could now handle whatever came my way
http://www.bargirl-spy.com/
Sunday, July 17, 2011
SIGNS OF CHEATING
http://www.bargirl-spy.com/
Infidelity is a issue faced by increasingly more couples. Statistics show that 15% of women and 25% of men have already had an extramarital sexual affair. Experts claim that there are certain signs of adultery and that partners can recognize these signs easily.
Communication is essential for any couple. Typically, your partner wants to discuss about something necessary, on the other hand you may try to avoid having serious conversations. In fact, the partner may believe that something is wrong in the marriage and eventually search out comfort elsewhere. As long as the partners keep avoiding honest, 1 on one discussions then the stage is being set for failure of the relationship.
When the cheatingspouse criticizes the other without having solid reasons, it is for purposes of trying to erode the relationship. "You're psycho, " "You need pro help, " "Get a job!", "Go to a fitness center, " "Lose some weight" are malicious comments, intended to make the other partner feel bad. The unfaithful partner is doing this to justify their own reasons for cheating.
A common sign of infidelity is when the couples suddenly commence to quarrel often, usually started by the cheating partner. Specialists believe that such conflicts occur in 100% of cases. The reason for this can be that the cheater feels trapped in a bad relationship and wants to cause conflict and justify their own ambivalence about their affair.
Has your partner provided you expensive jewels and thoughtful gifts, although they have never done this before? Well, then he or she may be feeling guilty for the extramarital affair. It might also be that the intent is to make you feel that everything fine between you and divert attention from his or her own behavior. This is 1 of the most typical signs of adultery.
If rather all of a sudden your partner's colleagues seem to have no respect for you or become rude or give you sympathetic looks, that may be a clue that something is wrong. They may know that your partner is cheating you. It could quite well be the case that your partner claims that in front of them that you deserve this because of your behavior.
Infidelity is a issue faced by increasingly more couples. Statistics show that 15% of women and 25% of men have already had an extramarital sexual affair. Experts claim that there are certain signs of adultery and that partners can recognize these signs easily.
Communication is essential for any couple. Typically, your partner wants to discuss about something necessary, on the other hand you may try to avoid having serious conversations. In fact, the partner may believe that something is wrong in the marriage and eventually search out comfort elsewhere. As long as the partners keep avoiding honest, 1 on one discussions then the stage is being set for failure of the relationship.
When the cheatingspouse criticizes the other without having solid reasons, it is for purposes of trying to erode the relationship. "You're psycho, " "You need pro help, " "Get a job!", "Go to a fitness center, " "Lose some weight" are malicious comments, intended to make the other partner feel bad. The unfaithful partner is doing this to justify their own reasons for cheating.
A common sign of infidelity is when the couples suddenly commence to quarrel often, usually started by the cheating partner. Specialists believe that such conflicts occur in 100% of cases. The reason for this can be that the cheater feels trapped in a bad relationship and wants to cause conflict and justify their own ambivalence about their affair.
Has your partner provided you expensive jewels and thoughtful gifts, although they have never done this before? Well, then he or she may be feeling guilty for the extramarital affair. It might also be that the intent is to make you feel that everything fine between you and divert attention from his or her own behavior. This is 1 of the most typical signs of adultery.
If rather all of a sudden your partner's colleagues seem to have no respect for you or become rude or give you sympathetic looks, that may be a clue that something is wrong. They may know that your partner is cheating you. It could quite well be the case that your partner claims that in front of them that you deserve this because of your behavior.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Whats it like to be a Private investigator
What's most difficult about being a private investigator?
The worst feeling is knowing that your guy is innocent and having him get convicted – that's hard to deal with. When you believe in your client, based on the evidence, you go to trial and you think you're going to win, and you lose. His family cries. That's really hard.
Some of the stories are hard to listen to, like people who were beaten by their parents. I've had cases where I interview a person as a victim and the next week they're a defendant.
http://www.pattaya-bargirl-investigations.com/
How do you handle the day-to-day challenges of your job?
I have a lot of cases and I have to prioritize, which is the most important. I have to write a lot of reports. I do encounter people that don't want to talk to me – they say, "Oh, you represent that guy, we don't like you." I try to persuade them. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I'm always nice. If you're rude to them, forget it, they will never talk to you. Some people will start out hostile, and by the end of the call they're spilling their guts to me.
What misconceptions do people have about private investigation?
Private investigators on TV are so glamorous, but it's not as glamorous as people think; there's grunt work to every job. It's possible to make a lot of money, but mostly you don't. Public defense work doesn't make a
What skills are most important for people who want to become private investigators?
To be patient and listen to people. It helps to be a mature person. When I was 25 I was petrified going to jail, but now it's no big deal. You have to have communication, writing and computer skills. There's so much information on the Internet that we used to find by leg work. Now you plug in the name, use search engines, and you can find a person's whole background
The worst feeling is knowing that your guy is innocent and having him get convicted – that's hard to deal with. When you believe in your client, based on the evidence, you go to trial and you think you're going to win, and you lose. His family cries. That's really hard.
Some of the stories are hard to listen to, like people who were beaten by their parents. I've had cases where I interview a person as a victim and the next week they're a defendant.
http://www.pattaya-bargirl-investigations.com/
How do you handle the day-to-day challenges of your job?
I have a lot of cases and I have to prioritize, which is the most important. I have to write a lot of reports. I do encounter people that don't want to talk to me – they say, "Oh, you represent that guy, we don't like you." I try to persuade them. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I'm always nice. If you're rude to them, forget it, they will never talk to you. Some people will start out hostile, and by the end of the call they're spilling their guts to me.
What misconceptions do people have about private investigation?
Private investigators on TV are so glamorous, but it's not as glamorous as people think; there's grunt work to every job. It's possible to make a lot of money, but mostly you don't. Public defense work doesn't make a
What skills are most important for people who want to become private investigators?
To be patient and listen to people. It helps to be a mature person. When I was 25 I was petrified going to jail, but now it's no big deal. You have to have communication, writing and computer skills. There's so much information on the Internet that we used to find by leg work. Now you plug in the name, use search engines, and you can find a person's whole background
Monday, July 4, 2011
Sneaky
English lessons for my Thai Girlfriend… is she cheating me?
Hello guys! I hope that someone can help me please. My teerak asked me for help to pay her English lessons and I am a little confused. I was a newbie but I gone alone for 31 days to LOS. I love this country.
First of all I need to tell you how this story started. I was in Chiangmai on my last holidays. I spent there about 9 wonderful days.
I met my thai GF in a disco with other thai girl. At the first moment I thought she was an ordinary girl not a bar-girl, we spoke about one hour and we have good feelings between each other. My GF friend a very pretty girl act sometimes like a working girl, I mean in her way of speak and behaviour. Later we went to a bar called Spicy, I had read about this place in some thai mongering pages, I saw the ambience and knew perhaps smelt in the air that there were a lot of freelances. So I changed my mind and I thought that my future teerak was a freelance, I was a little tired and after 30 minutes I told her that I want to go to my hotel and that I would like that she come with me, she answered that she was with some friends and she wanted to stay more time there. We change our cell-phones numbers and I went to the hotel, after 45 minutes she appear at my hotel, she came to my room, at this moment I asked her how much money she was expecting to receive, she answered me that she want no money from me, I asked again talking to give her 1000-1500 baths, she answer again that she want no money from me and that she like me because I was very polite with her. After that I told her that I was very sorry but I had thought that she was a freelance, she told me again that she was not. She slept with me and we make love. After that she was the rest of the days with me.
Sometimes she went to her home to cook for her nephews she told me. I was not sure about she was completing sincere with me, but I remember these days as very very happy days. Unfortunately sometimes she made some language mistakes and she spoke about her ¡husband! I was scared about that idea, later she told was not married and that she really lives with her nephews (they are 22 and 15 years old). Who knows? She lied me about her job, first she told me that she work in BKK but was in Chiangmai by and later when the days past together we have some discussions because I was very “surprised” with so long vacations, and finally she told me that she doesn’t work in BKK and that she have no job at Chiangmai.
I didn’t care about it because I really like this lady, I feel well with her. Later I came back to my country and now a few days ago she wrote me telling me that she wants to study English to understand me better when I will go to LOS next spring to see her. I have looked at internet and I have found only an Academy on Chiangmai (of course there must be dozens) from the British Council that cost 5000 baths – 20 hours, it is an intensive course. I answered my teerak that I could hep her but I told her that I looked at internet and it was quiet expensive, and I recommended her that she should look for different schools and compare between good prices. During a few days I didn’t get any response… but later… surprise! She found only one school and it cost 5000 baths – 20 hours. I think this is not a good price of course, 5000 baths can be a monthly salary of many waiters in Chiangmai, and I have read that a English teacher earns about 250-350 baths per hour, so the prices that she told me could be good for private lessons or to a very good and intensive course not for beginners. On the other hand thai language lesson cost is some very famous academies 102-75 baths per hour, and it is well know that the prices for farangs in Thailand are usually the double than for thais.
http://www.bargirl-spy.com/
Does somebody know which can be the prices or fees per hour for thai students to learn English in an academy in BKK or in Chiangmai? Do you think that my lovely teerak is trying to cheating me?
Thanks to any help.
http://www.pattaya-bargirl-investigations.com/
Hello guys! I hope that someone can help me please. My teerak asked me for help to pay her English lessons and I am a little confused. I was a newbie but I gone alone for 31 days to LOS. I love this country.
First of all I need to tell you how this story started. I was in Chiangmai on my last holidays. I spent there about 9 wonderful days.
I met my thai GF in a disco with other thai girl. At the first moment I thought she was an ordinary girl not a bar-girl, we spoke about one hour and we have good feelings between each other. My GF friend a very pretty girl act sometimes like a working girl, I mean in her way of speak and behaviour. Later we went to a bar called Spicy, I had read about this place in some thai mongering pages, I saw the ambience and knew perhaps smelt in the air that there were a lot of freelances. So I changed my mind and I thought that my future teerak was a freelance, I was a little tired and after 30 minutes I told her that I want to go to my hotel and that I would like that she come with me, she answered that she was with some friends and she wanted to stay more time there. We change our cell-phones numbers and I went to the hotel, after 45 minutes she appear at my hotel, she came to my room, at this moment I asked her how much money she was expecting to receive, she answered me that she want no money from me, I asked again talking to give her 1000-1500 baths, she answer again that she want no money from me and that she like me because I was very polite with her. After that I told her that I was very sorry but I had thought that she was a freelance, she told me again that she was not. She slept with me and we make love. After that she was the rest of the days with me.
Sometimes she went to her home to cook for her nephews she told me. I was not sure about she was completing sincere with me, but I remember these days as very very happy days. Unfortunately sometimes she made some language mistakes and she spoke about her ¡husband! I was scared about that idea, later she told was not married and that she really lives with her nephews (they are 22 and 15 years old). Who knows? She lied me about her job, first she told me that she work in BKK but was in Chiangmai by and later when the days past together we have some discussions because I was very “surprised” with so long vacations, and finally she told me that she doesn’t work in BKK and that she have no job at Chiangmai.
I didn’t care about it because I really like this lady, I feel well with her. Later I came back to my country and now a few days ago she wrote me telling me that she wants to study English to understand me better when I will go to LOS next spring to see her. I have looked at internet and I have found only an Academy on Chiangmai (of course there must be dozens) from the British Council that cost 5000 baths – 20 hours, it is an intensive course. I answered my teerak that I could hep her but I told her that I looked at internet and it was quiet expensive, and I recommended her that she should look for different schools and compare between good prices. During a few days I didn’t get any response… but later… surprise! She found only one school and it cost 5000 baths – 20 hours. I think this is not a good price of course, 5000 baths can be a monthly salary of many waiters in Chiangmai, and I have read that a English teacher earns about 250-350 baths per hour, so the prices that she told me could be good for private lessons or to a very good and intensive course not for beginners. On the other hand thai language lesson cost is some very famous academies 102-75 baths per hour, and it is well know that the prices for farangs in Thailand are usually the double than for thais.
http://www.bargirl-spy.com/
Does somebody know which can be the prices or fees per hour for thai students to learn English in an academy in BKK or in Chiangmai? Do you think that my lovely teerak is trying to cheating me?
Thanks to any help.
http://www.pattaya-bargirl-investigations.com/
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